i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
