we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
