Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Randomize
