Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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