Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize