My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
