Do you still have your period?
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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