Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
How does it feel to date your dad?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
