You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
we should paint friendship bongs
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
