I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize