Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
