Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
