Only a mothe r could love this liver
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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