I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
