Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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