so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
