how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
