worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
being pregnant is like rehab
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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