There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
