saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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