I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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