Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
