the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
