Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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