I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
