I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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