maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
