the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
