I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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