i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize