Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
