I got chris browned last night
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We are all done wearing pants today
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
