looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
