I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
please come you make the beer taste better
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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