I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Randomize