dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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