I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
