I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
