How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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