Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize