so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
