So drunk its hurt
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
