I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
