Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
