you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize