Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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