I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
