I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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