Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
