Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Randomize
