What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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