If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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