never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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