stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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