i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
