New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
