she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
