i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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