And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
