Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
